(no subject)

[nervesofsteel]

Once, John would have never believed that someday, he might find himself in a therapist’s office completely of his own volition, without the slightest bit of prodding, or poking, or not-so-subtle encouragement. When he had first gotten back from Afghanistan, forced out of his army, out of his war, back into a life he no longer recognized, his sessions with the army psychiatrist had been mandatory and blessedly briefly. He had found Ella at the insistence of friends and, more importantly, a former commanding officer that he was loathe to disappoint, but he had looked on her with near-insulting skepticism and offered only reticence and quips. People like John Watson don’t talk about their feelings.

Then, when he had lost everything once again - when he had lost Sherlock - he had gone back to Ella, and somewhere along the way, he had begun to truly listen to her. Her questions were prying, but made him think, her assumptions annoying, but often correct. Mary, too, as they had gotten to know one another and he had revealed little crumbs of his inner demons, seemed to instinctively know how to ask about his appointments, how to subtly ensure that he went without ever putting him on his guard. Somewhere along the way, therapy had become normal - as long as he doesn't think about it very much.

Now he’s in Darrow, and he has a wife, and a daughter, and a regular job, and he’s okay with that. More or less. But he has to stay okay with it, that’s his responsibility now, and that’s why he’s here in this nondescript waiting room, flipping through a magazine filled with the face of Todd Chadd, and articles about the latest Tiffany Charlotte Memorial Something-or-other. He still doesn’t truck in feelings, and the idea of laying out the last five years for yet another human being makes him want to be sick, frankly, but he is going to make this work.

He has no other choice.

Comments

[professionalcuriosity]

Alana smiles, though it doesn't quite sit right on her face. She wants to say that doesn't matter, that love isn't contingent on perfect mental health. She believes it and she believes that a support system is not a solution at the same time, but she can't help thinking of Will.

"You mentioned you were in the Medical Corps. Do you work as a doctor here in Darrow?"

[nervesofsteel]

For a moment, John thinks that Dr. Bloom might be about to say something more, and he tenses slightly for the question. But the one that comes is innocuous enough. “Yeah. You know the outpatient clinic next to the hospital? I’m a GP on staff."

[professionalcuriosity]

"Oh, yeah," Alana says, nodding, "I know the place. That's good. And Mary's home with Evelyn?" She doesn't want to assume, of course, but it seems like the simplest way to handle things for them. Around here, though, she thinks it helps to have a job, something to do and a way to acclimate to life in Darrow.

[nervesofsteel]

“Yeah. I mean, for now. She’s a nurse, but she was seven months pregnant when she got here, so she hasn’t really had the chance…” John shrugs. It’s not something they’ve ever talked about, but he can’t imagine Mary staying home permanently. They’re not those sorts of people.

[professionalcuriosity]

Alana nods. "When Evelyn's older," she says. "It's a lot harder when they're so young to juggle it all." At least, that's what she understands from the experiences of people around her. Children just haven't been in the cards for her. She's still young enough for a family, but she doubts it'll happen. What she hasn't worked out yet is how she feels about that. "Is that how you met? Through work?"

[nervesofsteel]

“Have you got kids?” Okay, maybe he isn’t supposed to ask a therapist about her personal life. But Dr. Bloom is surprisingly easy to talk to for a shrink, and the question just slips out. “Yeah, you’d think that, wouldn’t you. But no. We’ve got a better story, actually. She helped me jump a turnstile on the Tube. Which is ridiculous. I know."

[professionalcuriosity]

"No, that's sweet," Alana says, meaning it entirely. Well, sweet may not be the exact word to use, but she likes it. It's something that makes for a different and interesting story, a quick way to get to know each other. "Not ridiculous at all. And no. No, I don't."

She very rarely offers up details of her personal life, but, for the most part, there's no harm in answering when asked. Her life isn't the point, but it's not entirely off-limits. "Maybe one day."

[nervesofsteel]

“Oh, it was pretty ridiculous,” John chuckles. “Well, ridiculous in the good way. She demanded I buy her a drink to repay her.” Even now, he looks back at that weird, chance moment as the most important in his life. Thank God he’d used up his Oyster card.

He’s a bit surprised by the news that Dr. Bloom doesn’t have kids. Maybe it’s an unfair assumption, but she seems like the type. But life often takes a person in unexpected directions; he knows that better than anyone.

[professionalcuriosity]

Alana smiles. It's the good ridiculous, he's right, absolutely charming in its absurdity. It makes her wistful, but she's practiced at hiding that. She's come to terms with the fact that dating just isn't right for her yet and that, even if it were, she hasn't found the right person for it. Her time will come or it won't; her life won't be any less rich for that.

"It sounds like now you're both even."

[nervesofsteel]

“Oh, no. She’s still got one up on me. She always will.” John grins, ducking his head as he leans his elbows on his knees. That’s true in more ways than he’s comfortable with these days, but for now he focuses on the good bits, the breathless joy of forever being one step behind her sallies, and jokes, and cleverness, forever trying to catch up, grateful just for the chance to run this race with her.