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May. 17th, 2014 05:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Once, John would have never believed that someday, he might find himself in a therapist’s office completely of his own volition, without the slightest bit of prodding, or poking, or not-so-subtle encouragement. When he had first gotten back from Afghanistan, forced out of his army, out of his war, back into a life he no longer recognized, his sessions with the army psychiatrist had been mandatory and blessedly briefly. He had found Ella at the insistence of friends and, more importantly, a former commanding officer that he was loathe to disappoint, but he had looked on her with near-insulting skepticism and offered only reticence and quips. People like John Watson don’t talk about their feelings.
Then, when he had lost everything once again - when he had lost Sherlock - he had gone back to Ella, and somewhere along the way, he had begun to truly listen to her. Her questions were prying, but made him think, her assumptions annoying, but often correct. Mary, too, as they had gotten to know one another and he had revealed little crumbs of his inner demons, seemed to instinctively know how to ask about his appointments, how to subtly ensure that he went without ever putting him on his guard. Somewhere along the way, therapy had become normal - as long as he doesn't think about it very much.
Now he’s in Darrow, and he has a wife, and a daughter, and a regular job, and he’s okay with that. More or less. But he has to stay okay with it, that’s his responsibility now, and that’s why he’s here in this nondescript waiting room, flipping through a magazine filled with the face of Todd Chadd, and articles about the latest Tiffany Charlotte Memorial Something-or-other. He still doesn’t truck in feelings, and the idea of laying out the last five years for yet another human being makes him want to be sick, frankly, but he is going to make this work.
He has no other choice.
Then, when he had lost everything once again - when he had lost Sherlock - he had gone back to Ella, and somewhere along the way, he had begun to truly listen to her. Her questions were prying, but made him think, her assumptions annoying, but often correct. Mary, too, as they had gotten to know one another and he had revealed little crumbs of his inner demons, seemed to instinctively know how to ask about his appointments, how to subtly ensure that he went without ever putting him on his guard. Somewhere along the way, therapy had become normal - as long as he doesn't think about it very much.
Now he’s in Darrow, and he has a wife, and a daughter, and a regular job, and he’s okay with that. More or less. But he has to stay okay with it, that’s his responsibility now, and that’s why he’s here in this nondescript waiting room, flipping through a magazine filled with the face of Todd Chadd, and articles about the latest Tiffany Charlotte Memorial Something-or-other. He still doesn’t truck in feelings, and the idea of laying out the last five years for yet another human being makes him want to be sick, frankly, but he is going to make this work.
He has no other choice.
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Date: 2014-05-17 11:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-19 02:31 am (UTC)"Right." He manages what he hopes is a casual smile as he pushes himself out of his chair. "Okay. Thanks."
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Date: 2014-05-20 08:07 pm (UTC)"This week," she says, "we'll just be going over why you're here, what's bothering you, the goals you'd like to make. That kind of thing."
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Date: 2014-05-21 02:56 am (UTC)A rather uncomfortable coiled spring.
He scrubs a hand through his hair and clears his throat. “Just- ah, just so you know, there’s nothing particularly wrong right now. I’m actually doing okay. But I was seeing someone before I ended up here, and I thought it might be good to check in or something."
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Date: 2014-05-22 11:24 am (UTC)"Why were you going before?"
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Date: 2014-05-23 01:14 am (UTC)But he sees something that makes him think - hope - that she knows what he’s talking about, and he continues in a clipped sort of way, his gaze settling at a middle distance. “I got shot, and I came home, and I… didn’t really take it very well.” Post-traumatic stress disorder: these are words John Watson has never been able to say. “And for a long time, I was a really shitty therapy patient.” He snorts, and he looks at her for a second, and this time he does smile, if in a self-deprecating sort of way.
“But then…” And this is the difficult part. This will always be the difficult part. Even now, knowing that Sherlock, first-rate psychotic bastard, is alive and well, John has trouble forming the words without hearing Sherlock’s voice in his head. That’s what people do, isn’t it? Leave a note.
“About two years ago I saw my best friend die, and I knew I couldn’t do this alone again."
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Date: 2014-05-26 12:00 am (UTC)"I'm sorry for your loss," she says. He doesn't need her to sit and be overly sympathetic. She doesn't know him yet, doesn't know what he's lost or what he considers a loss. But the death of any friend is an awful, difficult thing, never mind having to see it occur. "What happened to your friend? If you don't mind my asking."
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Date: 2014-05-26 02:35 am (UTC)“He threw himself off the roof of St. Bartholomew’s Medical Hospital.” John has gone back to not-quite looking at Alana. “Someone made him jump. A man- a man who had killed a lot of people, who couldn’t be stopped unless the world thought Sherlock was dead.”
Unless the world thought he was dead. His throat closes in anger. Why does Sherlock’s existence still feel like a gaping wound, even knowing he is alive? Why is the story of his resurrection even harder to tell than that of his death?
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Date: 2014-05-26 09:37 pm (UTC)"So jumping was some kind of a trick or illusion?" Not impossible to do, she thinks, but it seems incredibly difficult to pull off and survive.
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Date: 2014-05-29 02:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-01 11:12 pm (UTC)"Did he explain why?"
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Date: 2014-06-02 01:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-04 11:46 am (UTC)She's more caught on the names mentioned. Watson. Moriarty. Sherlock. She was more interested in Southern Gothic than old English literature, growing up, but that hasn't kept her from being familiar with the famous detective and the Napoleon of crime. In a city where the strangest things happen, the simplest explanation may in fact be that all of this is true. After all, she has a client who survived a zombie apocalypse. On the other hand, at home, she would suspect delusions clung to by a man who needs meaning in his life and finds it in the coincidence of having the same name as a noted literary figure. Without Sherlock himself or someone else to corroborate what's being said, it's going to take tactful probing to be sure of the truth.
"So in order to make his death look convincing, even you had to be kept in the dark."
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Date: 2014-06-08 02:58 am (UTC)John shakes his head, almost a sort of shudder. “This all sounds crazy, doesn’t it?"
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Date: 2014-06-08 10:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-11 02:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-12 07:50 pm (UTC)"So he had a couple of years to take care of business," she says, "while you... what? What were you doing after that?"
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Date: 2014-06-13 02:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-15 12:06 pm (UTC)"How old is your daughter?"
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Date: 2014-06-16 02:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-17 08:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-19 03:28 am (UTC)“It’s a lot,” is all he admits instead, with a shrug and a smile.
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Date: 2014-06-22 01:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-24 01:56 am (UTC)He grins a bit to show he's joking. Mostly. He thinks.
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Date: 2014-06-25 07:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-28 08:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-29 12:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-06-29 04:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-01 07:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-07 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-07 10:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-08 02:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-08 01:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-12 03:19 am (UTC)But somehow, that hadn’t mattered to Mary. Not one bit.
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Date: 2014-07-13 06:20 pm (UTC)"You mentioned you were in the Medical Corps. Do you work as a doctor here in Darrow?"
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Date: 2014-07-15 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-15 08:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-17 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-21 02:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-22 02:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-23 04:24 am (UTC)She very rarely offers up details of her personal life, but, for the most part, there's no harm in answering when asked. Her life isn't the point, but it's not entirely off-limits. "Maybe one day."
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Date: 2014-07-27 01:19 am (UTC)He’s a bit surprised by the news that Dr. Bloom doesn’t have kids. Maybe it’s an unfair assumption, but she seems like the type. But life often takes a person in unexpected directions; he knows that better than anyone.
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Date: 2014-07-30 06:37 pm (UTC)"It sounds like now you're both even."
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Date: 2014-08-13 03:43 am (UTC)